Unstoppable

March 6, 2015

 

When a friend sent this to me the other day it made me smile and realize fully, that despite everything life has ever thrown at me, I am still here. I am unstoppable by God's design.

Through my mother's death at 3 month's old, my father giving me up, my sexual abuse, incest, suicide attempts, DUI, bad check, extortion, rape, rape trial, media attention, marriages, divorces, car accident, death, recovery, starting over, flood, starting over again, many movies, Michael Phelps' lies, media attack, backlash, adult film, writing books, fame, celebrity I am still hanging on and functioning after each and every setback, failure and catastrophy.

One thing I know for sure is that God made me and continues to bring me through anything in my life.

I realized this weekend that my memories of Michael Phelps are distorted! He is not the man I hear myself talking about in interviews and reading in articles back in November and December. He is a liar and a cheater that deceived me and made me love him based on lies. 

I am ashamed that I fell for him and got caught up in this twisted part of his world of sex and lies and women.  I regret totally being with this man. It is embarrassing now to think I believed him in any way. I read the text and emails and thought back on our conversations and the fateful night of September 30th, and I ask myself why? How? Why would a man do this to a woman? How could he be so selfish and cruel and hurtful while all the time showing the world this facade of a great man? 

The world would have you believe this is a scandal because of my life. Shame on all of you that think and perport that. The scandal is him and him alone. How I was born and things from my past 25 years ago truly have no bearing on now. 

I am a great woman and I had a great career and life that was all taken away from me because of the actions of this man on September 30th. No one knew about us for 6 weeks prior to his DUI. Him breaking the law that night and almost running another vehicle off the road at 84mph put all this in motion. We were still together even after the first few articles came out naming me. He told me before he left for rehab that we were ok. He gave me a different way to contact him and told me he would be without his phone for awhile.

I am a survivor and I will rise above all this man and his actions have done to my life. People want to say I am attacking and stalking him which I find beyond comical. It is sad to blame the victim, but that is what we do here in the United States. The best part is people being happy for an engagement 3 months after him and I ended that she had known about since October. Now they rekindled their love after he left rehab. So while he had no contact with the outside world for 6 weeks they rekindled? Or they rekindled during the first 4 days after he got out of rehab? I am so confused. Why get engaged during a family funeral in Colorado? That is why she was really there. He left The Broadmor and went back to the Olympic Training Center after dinner, she spent that night alone. 

One day I will fully get over what he has done to me. That will be a great day. Until then I am forced to see myself attached to those two jokers in article after article around the world. Funny how outside the US they question the timing and validity, but here it is blindly accepted because it is easier to believe that lie than accept the truth that him and I were together. I have always been unstoppable whether I knew it or not. 

I tried to kill myself last week by overdosing on Ambien, Xanax and pain killers. I said goodbye to everyone I loved and laid down. By the grace of God I woke up the next day. I should not have woken up. I took enough medicine to put down a horse. People close wanted me 51/50 into the hospital, but my best friends know that is no place to get the help needed for someone going through all of this dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder. I was in crisis when I did it over the betrayal I felt from Howard Stern and someone close to me defending him and telling me how I should feel. Unless you have had to defend your womanhood and all your relationships and your entire life, you have no idea how that moment felt. I truly believe I can't die. God brought me back 11/19/2001 and until I have completed my purpose whatever that may be he is not going to allow me to take my life. My relationship with Michael Phelps will not be the defining moment in my life. 

Unstoppable

 

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