No Regrets


I saw the Monica Lewinsky TEDtalks today and was totally moved. I have been living through the same ordeal of strangers attacking, hating, shaming and accusing me for 6 months now. I did nothing wrong on September 30, 2014 other then be there for the man I cared about. My life, privacy and reputation were destroyed over the course of a few months. To this day media outlets and online people refer to me as being born a man, a man now and all kinds of other less flattering names. These same people want to use mistakes that I myself told the world about in November to try and discredit me and make me out to be something I am not 20 plus years later.

Now I am being accused of not dealing with gender issues since I always identified as female. Regardless of what the outside world saw, I was dealing with gender my whole life. Now because I have talked about living my truth I am a lie in their eyes. Because I took birth control I am a horrific person. Obviously I was not wrong in my decision after all these years later seeing how the world treats me and other people that have had or have a gender challenge.

I was so moved by a 13 year old girl named DW for just wanting the right to pee in the right bathroom. What exactly is the world afraid of? Like Monica said, we need more compassion and empathy. In real life media, people and strangers have been nice to me. Online they have and continue to hunt me and people connected to me and hurt me any way they can. I am not sure what their goal is. They want repercussions for every situation and person connected to me. They gather, plan and execute like a lynch mob. I sometimes feel hate for myself because I constantly hear it day in and day out.

They accuse me of harrassing, stalking and hurting Michael and the Phelps family. I find this beyond ridiculous! I am reactionary to most of the Phelps' family cyber bullying by themselves and friends of theirs and people that wish they were friends of theirs. They spew hate and say it is because I want to destroy Michael. Yes, I was angry and have said things in the last 6 months that any girlfriend would say after finding out her man lied, cheated and sucked her into a world of deviant behavior. They act like he is a saint and every emotion I feel is crazy. He got a DUI and almost ran a car off the road going 84MPH after storming out of the Horseshoe Casino, backpack in tow less 20 plus thousand dollars. He turned his back on me after telling me we were fine. His management company which was supposed to protect me from the media, left me out to dry. He got out of rehab and chose to not acknowledge our relationship, furthering the chaos in my life. Setting this course of hate in motion.

After 6 months of being bashed as much as I am praised, I am accused of my suicide attempt not being real enough. I wasn't treated properly after. It is being called fake. Unbelievable that my world is such I have to defend the fact I attempted to take my own life. The details of what happened after are not anyone's business, but those close to me. As crazy as this sounds, my whole life is not meant to be public. I cared for Michael, part of me always will. I do not hate him. I hate the things he did and the lies he told. Had he have been honest with me I would not have given myself to him. Yes I have been to his house more than once and I have been intimate with him more than once. He was supposed to come to my house the weekend that the DUI occured to meet my friends and play Cards Against Humanity. We also discussed him going to Maine for my cousin Ashley's wedding. My best friend and my ex-husband, Patrick both knew I was dating Michael way before the media outed me on October 2. The media dubbed me his girlfriend, lover and cougar over the course of 7 weeks. The media has no idea the contact between Michael and I after he went to rehab. Some things are nobodies business. Online people constantly calling me a liar, making me want to prove myself, initially made me do and say things I wish I hadn't. Their poking and online bashing doesn't warrant me giving in and allowing my anger to motivate me to want to prove them wrong. Michael knows exactly who I am and what we were and the things we have shared together. Does it hurt that he won't acknowledge me publicly, yes! Learning all the lies he told me and about all the women in the past year and while we were together has been overwhelming to say the least.

My life used to be private. I was a succesful sign language interpreter. I consulted and worked regularly in crisis management. I was active in my church and had great friends and a wonderful life. I started dating an Olympian and after he got the DUI somehow I became the bad guy, pun intended, and he was the saint. None of this makes any sense. Everything I do and say is under a microscope. If I misspeak or say something different than the first time I am a liar. It couldn't be that I was protecting him and didn't want to tell the whole story. It couldn't be that the stress and emotinal breakdown of having your whole world ripped apart could alter how you would normally act. It couldn't be that all the horrible things people say and having things from your past thrown in your face like it was yesterday, would have any effect. After everything I knew was taken away from me I guess I was supposed to just become homeless and praise Michael for everything he did. I was not supposed to take advantage of the offers presented to me when I was broke from not working. Now that I took the bad from all this and tried to turn it into something sustainable for my future, with no help from Michael, I am a horrible person.

Talking about being diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder years ago has labled me a wreck and I am at fault for everything happening to Michael. I am every bad comment and woman and situation that puts him in a bad light. None of the other women that came forward are real, they were all made up by me according to Phelps' supporters online. Kim Petro is a liar that learned how to fake a polygraph or the polygraph is not accurate or reliable according to these same people.

This same group of hate mongers loves the relationship of Michael and Nicole. Crazy enough they are not involved in that one either, but yet they are quick to jump in and support it., knowing nothing about either of them personally. I guess it is ok to be with a girl like her, but not a girl like me. It doesn't matter that she was seeing another man and he cheated on me with her and another woman. It doesn't mattter that things between him and I ended in November and three months later he is engaged to the girl he cheated on me with. Everything I do is wrong and everything he does is praised.

I am not a cheater in relatinships. I was married for 6 years and the first serious relationship since my divorce was final in 2013 was with Michael Phelps. My ex-husband and I who have been friends since third grade talked about it in August and September before any of it was public. The world knows about September 21, but they don't realize Michael and I actually arranged to meet the day before. We talked everyday before and after until the craziness of September 30 happen. He apologized to me for what was happening to me in the media before going to Arizonafor treatment. Everything that was happening in October and November both he and Octagon were in the loop and aware of before it happened. Michael, Drew and I had a conversation before he left for rehab about lying and saying we weren't together, but I was a crisis consultant working with Octagon, they declined. I asked Michael if the events of September 30 and the media article on October 2 and 5 had ruined what we had and he told me absolutely not. We were solid when he left for rehab. Other then defending myself in comments of articles I did not talk to the media while he was away. All that changed when the National Enquirer decided to do a story exposing my past with or without my cooperation. I did speak to them naively thinking it would be better. It was a humiliating story filled with misinformation and things I did not say. It came out on November 19, I had told Michael on November 10th. I told the world my story on November 13 after telling friends and extended family.

I am Taylor Lianne Chandler. I was involved with Michael Phelps from August to November of 2014. I am a woman who for over 20 years had survived and overcome a lot of adversity. I have made decisions that not everyone agrees with to secure my future going forward. My life is attached to his internationally. No matter what I do independently I am referred to as Michael's girlfriend or ex. My story now is our story and he is part of my life forever. I am writing a book about my life and surprisingly enough it is not all about him. I was asked to do a book in 2006 about my accident and recovery, but I was too scared my whole life would be exposed. Now that my life is exposed, I am going to tell my life story to get it out and let it go, and hopefully help another girl or boy with a gender challenge know they are not alone and they are wonderful and loved. Hopefully they can learn from my mistakes. I pray they will live in a world that chooses not to hate for any reason.

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